Nobody Knows Me
by Mariah111384
Summary: Dawn's approaching and she's in the fight of her life.
1. Escape

**Lying…**

**It's only me I see, it's the pain that is me**

**Breathing…**

**Trying to go but not succeeding**

**Crawling…**

**Fighting for a chance to open my eyes**

**Seeing…**

**Just one more night he's running**

**Wishing…**

**Gaping for the night to live on in the calling**

**Waiting…**

**Bating myself for being so stupid in the moment**

**Dying…**

**Lies to keep me from moving**

**Living…**

**Hardest part of my name**

**Crying…**

**Treading along for the game**

**Sighing…**

**Knowing love, seeing it for what it is… clearly**


	2. How Did You Get Here?

**I couldn't remember the day. Just another one passing me by so suddenly, or rather, periodically. Being 16, carving out a life, complaining would appear the best bet for me.**

**I sit in the Summers' Household. I say Summers' for the mere fact that it still should belong to me. Long story, the old me would rehash it but I grew since than.**

**I believe I did. So much has happened in my life in few years. People died than came back, demons banged up the Scooby's pretty badly. Willow went all super vein witch on us. Oh, nothing out of the ordinary. Except for the real reason…**

**Spike left town.**

**He's not one to hide and run like that. He seems to always lay it down for me when I usually bring it up. It's what I like most about him. He never sugarcoated his thoughts. Now, it's something. Must be huge if he couldn't tell me. Makes me feel sorry for Clem. I know he's a softy but I bug him too much about this. But the guy seems to always be tolerable. Another person, yes I did say person, I could tell anything to.**

**Here I am, doing Algebra, counting the minutes away. Why am I always doing that? Why do I always ask questions I already know the answer to?**

**I miss him.**

**My mind is like pudding. It feels so hard to think about the trivial when you can't really talk about what's really on your mind. School needs to take a back door to me for a change. I'm so incredibly sick of listening to everyone else when nothing is alright.**

**I hate consistently thinking about this but he's left me no choice. It hurts inside. Not being able to help any. I was fine. I knew what I was doing. Just like I know what I should be doing.**

**Clearing my mind. Right, that's what I'll do. Oh, but take something, almost forgot the rules. I'll be OK.**

**I pick myself off the dinner table, stuffing the stake in my deep blue denim jacket, and open the door only to have my eyes meet a cold unfurling aghast of wind.**

**Shutting the door slightly I cover the collar on my neck. I was sort of scared but than again, it feels routine. I guess watching Buffy taught me a few things. She should be so proud of me.**

**Things were going to be different. I still remember her saying that to me. Was she just saying that like she does everything else?**

**"Shit!" I felt like going to Spike's crypt and just looking at it.**

**I was suddenly pummled to the ground harshly. "WHAT? LET ME GO!"**

**Arms tightly grasped around my body, not hurting but slightly confining. I wanted to turn around but the voice was all I needed to be totally haulted.**

**"Stay down, bit."**


	3. Nobody's Supposed To Be Here

**"When did you get back?" Getting to point straight away as I sat on the couch in his crypt.**

**Silence. It started to bother me until… "I… ah yeah, not sure. I wasn't 'ere long, bit. Does Buffy know where you are?"**

**Something's up. Something he's not saying. He looks different. Hair with dark roots grown out giving it that Billie Joe sexy punker vibe. He looked extra dangerous. I was always secretly deep down scared of Spike. It's what I love most about him. And he never treated me like some nibby little girl that everyone still thinks I am.**

**"Buffy's off working. I-I didn't know you'd be out here so I thought I'd just clear my head for a while. I needed a break."**

**I hadn't meant to say that much but he brings that out I guess. I can tell him anything.**

**"Oh," he nods, plops next to me in extreme exhaustion, "you shouldn't be out so late you know. And besides, there isn't someo-"**

**I fish out the weapon I held close up to his eyes, "I'm OK. Buffy doesn't need to deal with me 24/7. I can actually take care of myself you know."**

**He chuckled hoarsly, "Yeah ya do."**

**"I can you know? Buffy taught me some things but all its stuff I already knew."**

**"Buffy?" His voice sounded spaced.**

**"Spike?"**

**He shook his head. "Your sis, how's Buffy doing with herself?"**

**I frowned at the constant mention of my sister. He's still out for her. Makes me quiver. Maybe I'm better off being alone.**

**"Oh, she's OK. Saving the world, off on the plan everyday, coming home just in time for Friends. You know, girlie stuff?"**

**"That's good, bit. You uh… well, wanna hang out 'ere for the night? Ain't no beasties gonna come 'round the lot this time a night."**

**Spike, staying over the night? But?… Well, fuck her, its my life and I can do what I want. Besides, Spike can't hurt me, can't hurt anyone anyway.**

**"Um," I tucked some hair behind my ear, spacing out a second, "Yeah OK."**

**I was afraid to move now. Everything is so different. Now I don't feel safe. I had to know him. He tell me things. Or… used to.**

**"Spike, what's wrong?" I pressed, devoid of holding myself in any longer.**

**His tongue darted out, wetting his lips. All I could do was stare. Shit.**

**"Its no big thing, love. I just had a long day."**

**"Don't you sleep during the day?"**

**"Oh, right… Well I had, its complicated bit."**

**I was about to seriously break something. He's never like this. "Why are you like this with me? Why are you making this so difficult? What really happened that made you want to bail out? Why would you just leave?"**

**For the first time I saw life in his face. He turned to face me, eyes like I've never known. I shrank back, not knowing who he was now. Softly, he reaches to grasp my fingers.**

**"I'm back, I'm never leaving you or Buffy again. I said I would protect you and I'm staying for that promise. I don't know how to apologize Dawn. I'm here now and I'm never leaving."**

**Processing what he just said, I couldn't help but think, "How do I know I can trust you this time, Spike? I was so worried for you. Buffy too. She did the best she could for me without you but she needed you too. You were a good friend to her, to us. You helped us. I felt so alone not know what could have happened."**

**Than I was shocked wholeheartedly as I was pulled into Spike's embrace. "You Summers' women treat me like I'm someone who belongs. I shouldn't keep myself away from you lot for a second. I was selfish before."**

**I took him in as well. It was like he wasn't going to let go ever. I felt sorry. It was too bad, my emotions got the best of me and tears started spilling down without command.**

**Than my heart sighed as I felt his warm breath beat down my defenses, "I missed you so much. You mean something to me. Don't go again, just don't."**

**More rain, hailed from me. I'm such a cry baby but once again, its all him that brings out these actions.**

**I somehow ended up on his lap in all the hugging. Barely noticed anything. He seems to squeeze me extra tightly, and if I didn't know any better, I felt shaking, this time, not my work.**

**"Spike? What?"**

**He was crying after all. Sobs I've heard children of all kinds make. "Dawnie, its OK. I'm OK. I want you to know I'm OK."**

**I nod into the frenzy of motions elicited from his quiver, "Yeah, I know. I believe you Spike."**

**"I'm OK. It's OK, bit. I'm going to be alright."**

**I had to pull away, he was acting more than strange this time. I managed to do that slowly as he attempted to sniff but it came out stuffy.**

**My head was so close to his now another have an inch and we'd be kissing. Other things were on my mind though. His eyes made me so weak, looking at him pained me. He was like a dismantled puppy dog that came from a broken home or rather no home.**

**Than his mouth twitched like it caught on fire. "I love you, you know that little bit?"**

**I know he promised Buffy he'd watch over me and he did. I nodded with a hint of smile in my expression. "Yes, I do."**

**He sucked his teeth in, taking in my words, exhaling while reaching my hand on my lap. "I really love you. I would never hurt you. I would always protect you with everything I am."**

**Protect me. He would always protect me. If that's love I don't know what is. "I know you would."**

**He nods silently. Reaching to give me a reassuring hug solidifying his promise furthermore.**

**It was than I noticed something. Lips…**

**Lips so soft. Lips of who? Not SPIKE! No, god lips feel, NO, who is it?**

**I sunk into the ecstasy, never straying concentration. I didn't care anymore.**


	4. I've Tried That Love Thing

**"I'm sorry…" he springs from the embrace, almost like it was something I did.**

**Singed backward, game face exposed before me, I crumbled in my place. Here he stands or rather, stumbles within his stance as I watch with wide eyes. It's OK, I know it is, why don't I believe it?**

**I gaze at his lips. Pale pink protruding outward, shown here obvious than anything else. He almost falls but the wall being his leaning post. Hands shaking, fangs sink away… for now.**

**I've never been so scared. Sometimes I forgot he isn't one of us. The couch stains with my body as I stay put. He isn't what I thought… I believed. My eyes, downcast-like stare upon the monster in present.**

**Tears, intrusive to spill over. That's all I ever do.**

**It's OK. I lie. Lying comes full circle until my eyes see brightly. What's happening? Its been quiet far too long. Whatever it is I seem to bring it out. I saw the door. My escape, my moment. I was going to make a bee-line until I was touched again. The feeling was cold and so were his hands.**

**He looks at me as I stare anywhere but those eyes, "Something I need to tell you nibblet." He pause as if stifling with his next words, thumbs brushing down my taunt fingers.**

**"Something happened when I left. I tried to… I was going to do it because I thought for bloody once it would seem strangely unselfish of me. I couldn't live with myself after what had happened. I want to change. I came back here because of you."**

**That was when I looked at him. Why am I always believing him? My brows crease together, eyes steadily shifty, "What are you saying?"**

**Those brilliant eyes of his, scorching pain like a ball energy of hot truth, more than I can bother with. It's frightening now.**

**"I was killing myself so much. I thought I had no purpose. She kept saying that to me. Then… fuck! Shit went over my head. I was crazy in love and I didn't know how to deal with it nibbing along at my brain.  
It's enough she couldn't trust me. I wouldn't trus-"**

**"Why are you doing this Spike? What really happened to you?" I was beyond terrified but enough is enough now.**

**His lips curls as his eyes close tightly, causing me to shrink away. "Buffy did it to me. It was all her who made me like this. I wanted to be better. I wanted to prove to her that I changed once and for all."**

**Those brilliant eye of his, scorching pain through my soul without pause. Piece by piece. Until it was safe, I opened my eyes again.**

**"I've changed. I tried to mess with it…" gesturing with his finger to his heart.**

**My breathing sped up with no warning of his next passage. I tremble tiredly.**

**"How Angel managed do deal with it all I'll never know. The bleeding bloke just… I should have listened. I think you shouldn't be here. Buffy will be worried. Probably out looking for now. Sodding women, last thing I need now."**

**"I want to help you Spike. What did you mean, Angel? What does he have to do with this?" I was so determined now I couldn't think of anything else.**

**Held held his head, straining in visible pain, "You need to leave bit! Its coming back again. GO!"**

**I sprung up. The smart I already knew but still… he's… "Spike?"**

**" …a girl, she cries. So alone… wait, who is that now? GOD NO! OH GOD! What did I do? NO!"**

**I'm shaking toward the door. He's not well. I swing open the door and ran out of the crept, away from God knows what.**

**I thought I was running to escape I wasn't paying attention until I crashed into a body hard.**

**"Ugh, Dawn! Are you alright?" the voice can only belong to one person.**

**"Buffy…" we got up and shook our clothes of the dirt beginning to stain our jeans. "What are you doing?"**

**She looked at as if I had 3 heads which is weird because isn't that some daily thing for her to see that. "I told you to stay inside where you can't get into any trouble. What are you doing out so late anyway?"**

**I roll my eyes, "What does it matter to you?" I scoff. "I can take care of myself now. I really don't need you to take your close Buffy-radar on me 24/7."**

**"Then who's going to? You're still a prime source for everything gross at night. Don't you know its suicide when you go against the rules?"**

**"Oh please, just chill, I wasn't doing anything illegal if that's what you're pinning on me. You can't blame everything on me you know?" I crossed my arms, annoyed.**

**She shakes her head, grabbing a strong onto my hand "Come on, lets just go home. Don't really have time to have another meaningless argument when you no what you should do."**

**"Everything is meaningless to you, unless it's the Scoobies."**

**What else am I gonna do?**


	5. My Heart Says No

**I lay on my stomach, reading the latest _Twist_. Well… minus the reading so much as checking out the pics. Internally groaning as I was returned back to the house. Back to the place I dread with closed eyes.**

**I wonder to myself, why?… what really happened back there? Is it worth all this worrying? Guess I'll never know anything. I thought I'd belong when I'm around him. I didn't feel so solitaire with him.**

**Buffy's downstairs discussing "Scoobie" matters with Xander. Tara's not so much with us. I still think of her. Willow's with Giles in England getting better. I'm glad for her. It's going to be hard though. Anya told everyone it was Xander who stopped Willow. He's why I'm still here. Makes me shake just thinking about it. The power of friendship actually surpassed vieny Willow. We were all worried.**

**I couldn't possibly know what that means. What that could mean. Maybe I do. One person, I tried to bring her back with me. I really thought I had no one else who had loved me. My journal appeared to me my only lone outlet. I still think of that day. When I tore that picture. I think that's when I realized it was over. I still don't know where she went or how I felt afterward. I think wherever she is, its in a better place. Maybe she's happy like Buffy.**

**That day will always stay with me. The moment she came back, I didn't know how or why, then there was Willow. She risked a lot to bring her into our lives again. The bot was the best we could do. Still… I would sometimes sleep in the same room with something that isn't real. Sounds to me like I'm referring to myself really.**

**Now, the "real" thing feels confining. Just can't wait for tomorrow to come faster. On the brink of my toe, I wait. That's all it is. Life couldn't be any more boring when you're me. I've always hated school. Can't seem to focus on studying. I'm curious most of the time. I'm feeling weird around guys.**

**I learned all about this shit from 7th grade yada yada. They actually think preteens are fucking around when we're 12. Making fucking with people makes more sense. It's a joke but no big, I never cared either way.**

**It's like this desire I have. Always had honestly. The next guy I see I wanna do… something to. Like I don't know yet. All I know is my clit's been killing me lately.**

**I think I'm turning into a dude or something. I never thought I'd be this obsessed with sex. I mean, I know what goes where, minus the part where they hide everything with the whole "don't have sex or you're gonna die." Seriously, what do they take us for? I've known all I know about sex from Janice mostly. Her mom had her when she was our age.**

**I know its wrong to think about but what else could I do? I wanted to jump Spike as soon as I saw him. Explains the behavior. Also, he's Courtney Love crazy and that's fucking hot!**

**I've had 2 crushes so far: Xander and Spike not far behind. Well behind me… I hope. Xander I really considered him someone I could like. Seemed like he was someone who I could hang with. We had had friend type moments and mainly because I think at times he could relate to me. Except Anya. I think most of us could seriously do without her. Except Xander apparently. And they really think I'm the one that's irritating. Goy. Xander could understand that but he's downstairs with the major wigged out Buffy. Oh joy.**

**Now that I'm thinking about it… Buffy's had everything I wanted. The powers, the body, the sex, she lived with Mom longer. There's more but its too depressing to bring up. Even, dare I mention, the sexiest most coolest guy ever. Spike. What makes Spike so fucking hot, let's see… Well, not including the fact that he "loved" my sister. Ew, I shake my head every time I remember how I or really, everyone found out. He's got really hot clothes. I like his hair. He's really confident. I adore that. Something I know I'll never be if it killed me. Not my bag.**

**Man, oh god, I'm starting to get wet. Just thinking of him does this to me. That's rich. I bite my lip, should I? Well, everyone is downstairs so… I brought my fingers to my lips, sticking out my tongue, dabbing them wet for my already drenched pussy. I trail my hand down my jeans, in search of my destination. I felt so hot, so tremulous. I was almost shaking when my fingers start to circle my clit. I'm still trying to figure this whole thing out. I actually get nervous when I do it.**

**Thinking of Spike alone was enough. I always was curious how big he is. Probably anything in the 8½ inches, nice and thick. I'd rather have something big and thick on my first time, maybe that way I can feel something. I had had dreams of what my first time would be like. I would only wish and hope  
he would feel what I'm feeling. Really feel.**

**"Oh, fuck!" I came hard, fast. My legs were shaking violently.**

**In fact, everything in me was shaking. I was so horny. I felt like I was gonna fuck everything in sight now. I sat up, retracting my hand out of my jeans and stood up slowly. I had to find him. I needed him right now. Whatever way I was going to go about it, he needed to be with me. It was like a primal surge I had inside me.**

**I knew what I had to do. I started climbing out the window and going down the side plant wood stairs on the corner. I hopped down and turned myself around.**

**I suddenly felt myself getting wetter than before**


	6. Nobody's Supposed To Be Here 2

My breathing sped faster and all that was on my mind was him. I needed him, badly.

I watched his lips twitch at me, "Get inside Dawn."

His voice didn't scare me. I wanted to grab his curls and fuck with him. "No."

Yes, I was playing and it was dangerous.

He didn't budge and neither did I. For a long moment we were staring at each other. My mouth held slighly ajar. I thought I was drooling but it was just me. Maybe in my mind I was salivating. My heart was speeding out of control. It felt on fire if I didn't know any better.

I didn't know how much longer I would wait. "You shouldn't make me angry bit. Get in your beddy by now."

I twitched in my jeans with every word he spoke. This is like torture. "Fuck you Spike. Make me."

He grabbed onto my arms and held me there. This was getting exciting all of a sudden. "Is this what you want Dawn? You need to shut your gob and ge-"

I began licking my lips slowly. My tongue almost touching his lips. He was torturing me so I returned the favor. I looked at him while I bit my lip. I had to play this right if I was going to get what I want.

I watched him gulp and took that as my cue. I blinked slowly licking my lips once more. I was taking my time with this if it was going to work. Good news, he's fucked.

"Bloody hell Summers! Stay put! Wanna get yourself killed or do you?" He was getting closer, inch by inch and I could almost taste his breath.

I grinned from ear to ear. I'm immune to all this and growing impatient. "What are you gonna do to me? You can't do anything."

He scoffed in his punk way. Seemingly unphased by my outward stance. "You have no idea what I can do pet. Get up and get inside your room or I'll--"

"What was that? T can't seem to concentrate with this problem I have... in here." I took his fingers and slammed it where it should be.

He was shocked by the motion but didn't make any effort to move. He was trapped I could tell. He scanned me up and down closely. His eyes like a robot, for sure mentally undressing me. He's curious, just like I am about it. If possible, he was closer than before. I wanted to swallow everything now. I feel like I'm gonna lose it before he does anything. God I hope I could hold out. I giggled, easing his mind. Does he have any clue?

"This is what you want bit? Are you a bad girl now, love?" Yes! He's buying it. Mission accomplished.

I twitched again. He was killing me with that voice. He had a super grip on my hips. Finally, signs he is a man after all. He could feel my heart burning his hand. I really can't take this any longer. No more waiting.

"Here..." I took his hand and slipped it into my pants, getting closer and hotter by the second. His fingers were starting to brush me slightly. "...is the problem."

He leaned himself into me, continuing with his magical fingers. It was like heaven. "Shit, Spike."

He began rhythmically pumping in and out of me. I felt his middle finger slide all the way inside me. Mimicking what his member would be doing. All I know is this was better than my fingers. He started adding three fingers inside and my grip on his shoulder tightened.

Suddenly, I knew what I was doing. I wanted to scream but I knew what unwanted attention that would bring,

"So tight. Are you there?"

My eyes snapped shut, "Yeah, just keep going."

I felt like he was about to kill me until... "Shit! Oh Spike!"

"Jesus pet." He slowly pulled his finger out and sucked on them instantly.

I was reeling. A bit ashamed. Not sure how I got here. I stared at him. I couldn't help myself, "Nobody's ever done that to me. I'm not Buffy though."

He looks anywhere but my eyes, "No you're not love. You're different."

Different? Oh great. "Yeah, I know."

"Wasn't intending to make you feel bad pet. I still care about what happens to you and all--"

"I'm tired. I think I'm gonna go back to my room now."

He touched my arms gently, "Dawn, I wasn't meaning anything bad with what I said."

I slowly pried myself from his hold, regaining my voice. Truth was, I didn't belong there anyway. "I know that. I still have to go. School. Scoobies, you know? So... bye."

My back turned in a rush. I really needed to go. Too much was happening already and I felt his stare burning a hole in me. I had to force myself to move.

I made my way up the latter and tried not to think so much. My brain felt like putty and other parts felt sore.

I know I have to forget this. He's a vampire and I'm not one. He's evil and he hurt Buffy; I keep forgetting. But still, there's this annoying thought that still stuck in my mind.

Was it worth it?


End file.
